A Prayer To Guide Us Home
by elfmaiden4legs
Summary: Re-Upload. When Hornblower is near fatally wounded in battle at sea it throws the whole future of life on board the 'Indefatagable' into question. Will the young man survive? And just what is it that his friend Archie Kennedy and the ever present Captain Pellew can do to help save is life, when the future of the fleet is further compromised by a traitor on board?
1. PROLOGUE

**PROLOGUE **

Horatio could hear the shouts of his crewman as they fought for the freedom of the _Indefatigable_ and each other. He could hear the sound of gunfire from both sides, the cannons erupting all around him and was suddenly startled to realise that he couldn't see a thing… this instinct turned into blind panic when he realised that he also could not move.

He realised where he must be… and unconscious on deck with battle being carried out all around him was not an ideal position to be in. With a sudden rush of strength and renewed energy at the knowledge that the lives of himself and his men were at risk if he stayed here much longer he heaved himself into a sitting position.

Suddenly a searing pain struck his abdomen and chest, seeming to draw all the breath from within him. His eyes sprung open, wide with shock, each new breath he took now bringing on more pain. But as his eyes adjusted to his surroundings he realised that the shouting, the sounds of gunfire and cannon explosion had gone, to be replaced by the not so familiar sound of seagulls outside his bedroom window that always signified their return to land. He was sitting up in bed… not a flimsy hammock like they had to put up with at sea but a proper warm and sturdy bed. Then as he looked down he noticed it… the thick bandage wrapped tightly around his waist, slightly bloodied, and he remembered…

A noise beside him made him start and he turned to see Archie sitting in a chair only inches away from his bed, a blanket pulled up just over his knees. His friend was fast asleep. Horatio smiled, how long had he been keeping a vigil over his bedside he wondered?

"Archie," he spoke, his voice coming out in a horse whisper, "Archie wake up."

He reached out to touch his friend's hand, to try and let him know that he was awake, that he thought he was going to be all right, but suddenly a wave of dizziness overtook him. He felt wet on his side and looked down to see that the patch of blood where his wound had been was now steadily growing larger. His chest began to feel tight, his forehead damp with sweat and a mysterious haze clouded his vision. He tried to compose himself, it wasn't a terrible amount of blood after all, but this was not a dizziness born of panic. Suddenly his head began to spin, and then everything went black.

Archie started awake upon hearing his friend's head hit the pillow as he fell backwards. He was out of the chair and at his side in an instant.

"Horatio" he whispered. "Horatio it's me. I was sure I heard you calling my name in my sleep." Then he said almost to himself, "Oh God if only I hadn't fallen asleep… I'm sorry Horatio."

Archie had not left his friend's side since they had brought him off the ship in a collapsed and severely weakened state. Captain Pellew had been good enough to give him and a couple of the other men shore leave, at least until Hornblower regained consciousness. He himself had never failed to pay his Lefttennant a visit each day since they had docked at Portsmouth, and always seemed disappointed at the news that the young man had as yet failed to regain consciousness.

Horatio had always been good to his men and during the ensuing week since his injury the news that he may never again regain consciousness had proved devastating news to some of his closest friends. Styles and Mathews had taken to sitting outside his door at every free moment they could spare to ensure that he was not disturbed, and it had to be said that Styles in particular had not been afraid to use force if anyone had so much as dared to even sneeze outside his room. The doctor had been called for a couple of times throughout the first few days, but Pellew had not considered it necessary to put Hornblower through the continuing pain of repeated physical examinations and drugging's after he had seen that it was doing the young officer no good at all. He had however done something that none of his crew had ever seen him do before, and doubted they would witness him do again.

He had spent many hours with Horatio throughout the first few critical days, talking to him, and sometimes just sitting in quiet contemplation. In the evenings he would return to his cabin and Archie would take over, sleeping close to his best friend and waking up frequently in the night to check on his condition. He himself had been close to exhaustion by the time the ship's lookout had spotted land on the seventh day, and still he would not abandon his duty to his captain, nor to one of his closest friends.

Now though he smiled briefly as he suddenly came to realise that Horatio was a man with many loyal friends.

Suddenly his attention was drawn to the growing patch of blood that had now begun to soak the blanket on the other side of the bed however.

"Damn your stitches," Archie cursed as he sprang to his feet, convinced that this new bleed was in some way his fault for falling asleep, and desperate to do all that he could for his friend. "I won't be long," he called back to an unconscious Horatio as he ran from the room.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_**Flashback**_

"_It's over sir, we're surrounded from all sides!" Mathews tried to make himself heard above the impetuous roar of the men and cannon fire. _

"_Her crew are preparing to board." Shouted a young and inexperienced officer – evidently shaken by his first experiences of war. He was pale with fear and tinged green with seasickness. He shivered discernibly, although whether through nervous panic or due to the bitter cold of the murky night it was not immediately clear. "Maybe we should surrender now whilst we still have the chance." He dared to suggest._

"_That's mutinous talk." Mathews shouted, although not unkindly, before rounding on the young man – barely a boy. His young features were haunted by a knowledge which should only have belonged to a man four times his age. _

_"Come on lad…" he smiled, "control yourself. Mr Hornblower will see us right, and if not better to die a man then suffer the hangman's noose a coward hey?" He said, before turning back to the rest of the crew and speaking more generally to the men on either side of him, "We will await the Captain's orders." _

"_Our duty is to both our Captain and our ship." Horblower shouted, "If we are to be boarded then so be it, but let us not be so easily turned from our course."_

"_The Captain orders that the ship to be prepared for battle sir." A young messenger came running up from the portside of the ship. "We are to fight."_

"_Aye aye." Mathews spoke._

_Away and out of sight from the rest of his crew Captain Pellew drew his pistol with a heavy heart. There was a grave expression upon his face, for he knew their situation was an impossible one, and an assault on their part futile, but there really was nothing more left for them to do now but stand and fight._

"_Brace yourselves men." Hornblower addressed the men calmly in an attempt to reassure his crew – and if he was entirely honest with himself to try and steady his own nerves. He tried to tell himself that their well-being was secure despite the fact that they were critically outnumbered. "Let's show the French what the British are made of! Mathews get those cannons loaded!"_

_With a brief nod of his head in Horatio's direction Mathews was gone, taking a few of the more experienced crewmen with him to assist._

_The crew of the _Indefatigable_ were still very much in a state of shock, through the soupy and impenetrable mist of the cloudy night it had been impossible to see the French ships creeping up on them – although judging by the sheer number of French ships which now surrounded them it was obvious to all that their mission had been doomed from the start onset, they had been betrayed._

"_Je souhaite parler avec votre Capitaine!" As a small group of the French crew began to row in closer to the _Indefatigable _Hornblower began to notice certain features about the French Captain that had previously gone unobserved. He noted that he was a tall, middle-aged man – possibly in his early forties – with only a slight tinge of grey to his hair, and a youthful, if not somewhat stony glint in his eyes, which gave him an air of some malice._

"_Le Capitaine est indispose," Hornblower explained, "Je suis Lefttennant à bord de ce bateau, vous pouvez dire que vous me souhaitez."_

_Hornblower hoped that he could distract the French Captain and his men long enough to give Mathews enough time to secure and ready the cannons for battle._

"_Excuse me Sir…" Styles asked, "But what is he saying?"_

"_He wants to speak to the Captain." Horatio explained._

"_And?"_

"_I have told him that the Captain is indisposed." Horatio grinned. "If he wants to say anything he will have to speak to me directly."_

"_By God that's clever of ya sir." Styles praised, "So he actually thinks you're…"_

"_Acting Captain of this Ship Styles?… Yes." Horatio turned to face his old friend for just a second and as their eyes locked in mutual understanding a smile spread over both of their faces._

"_I only hope you can pull this one off Sir." He turned to see that it was Mathews who had whispered over his shoulder. Surprised to see him return so soon he assumed that many of the cannons had already been firmly secured. Mathews was an extremely experienced seaman – now in his fifties he had started out at sea a mere boy. He had not the education to rise in the ranks but he knew his job and he was extremely efficient at it, and was still a more valuable crew member to have on board a ship than many a distinguished officer._

"_So do I," Hornblower commented, a little less confidently this time. "For all our sakes, so do I." He whispered quietly to himself, under his breath._

"_Nous vous avons et vos hommes ont entouré." The French Captain continued, "Nous vous conseillons de vous rendre paisiblement ou nous prendrons votre bateau par la force"_

"_Then we are forced to fight you Captain." Hornblower responded with resolve, reverting back to his native English tongue. He certainly wasn't going to surrender and let the _Indefatigable _be taken so easily, and neither were the rest of his men – he could see that written all over each one of their unfaltering expressions._

"_Then so be it." The French Captain's thick accent almost completely masked every carefully thought out word of his English. He was evidently not so fluent in English as Hornblower was in French._

"_Mathews are those canons ready?" Hornblower hastened to ask._

"_Yes sir."_

"_Good man. Take as many men as you need, let's see if we can't take out a few of their ships before they take out too many of us… you men stand your ground." He ordered, noticing out of the corner of his eye the nervous twitch of a few of the younger crewmembers, not entirely sure they wouldn't make an attempt to run – although quite where to he had no idea._

"_Stand your ground!" Archie Kennedy commanded, echoing the words of his best friend. "Otherwise it will be the hangman's noose you'll be facing, and that is an even more formidable enemy!" _

_With one last glance at the acting Lettennant Mathews took about twenty of the men and took up his place on deck, ready to await his signal. Hornblower's whole body tensed as he heard the clatter of the French crew's feet as they prepared to board the ship and he realised that bloody battle was an inevitability now._

_Suddenly the French captain appeared before him on deck, followed by twenty or so of his men, each of them fully armed. "You will surrender Captain." The man demanded in his rich accent._

"_Oh I don't think so." Horatio bluffed. _

"_Then you leave me no choice."_

_In one swift, bold, and almost liquid movement the Captain drew his sword, as did many of his men._

"_MATHEWS!" Horatio ordered as he prepared to do the same._

"_Aye aye sir." Mathews, fully alert as always, responded swiftly to his orders."FIRE!" he shouted as he ran along the length of the ship's deck, echoing the order to every man in turn. _

_A series of deafening explosions ensued as the French ships around them splinted. Glass and wood shattered as they were hit with the full force of the heavy metallic shells – the terrified cries and shouts of their many injured survivors ringing out into the nights sky. It was strange, Hornblower thought, that not one of them appeared to be prepared for battle. Maybe they had come up against a different enemy earlier that same day and been forced to retaliate at the cost of their ammunition? He thought. Or maybe they had just assumed that they had got them so totally surrounded that they had no choice but to surrender, rationalising that to fire on them unnecessarily would be futile? Either way they had been caught completely off guard._

"_I fancy our chances are now both even Captain," Hornblower mused as the French Captain raised his sword in defence of his life, and his liberty. Angered, he suddenly struck out at Hornblower, who dodged his unprecedented attack with characteristic agility before all hell broke loose on deck. The opportune moment had been ceased by both sides – each man eager to get at their adversary neither needed convincing twice to advance. Horatio reached for his pistol, taking aim as his adversary did the same, when suddenly and without warning Horatio's uneasy finger slipped off the trigger and the gun went off. The Captain staggered backwards clutching at the gaping hole in his chest, before overbalancing and toppling over the side – he was dead before he hit the water. Men were falling all around him, some dead, some of them mortally wounded – French and English alike – but for a split second all Horatio could do was stand, leaning over the side of the ship stunned and transfixed by the sight of the dead captain's body floating prone in the water. He hadn't meant to kill him – at least not at the moment the gun had gone off. _

"_SIR!" He heard a shout from behind him and turned to see the blur of a blue uniform as one of the French seamen ran towards him, sword raised ready to strike. Within an instant Horatio's survival instructs took over and he drew his second pistol from his belt and fired – for real and with intent to kill this time – and the man fell to the ground instantly at his feet, dead. It was only then that he noticed the man who had just saved his life._

"_You alright sir?" Styles asked him, concerned and panting slightly, and spattered with blood. _

"_Yes, fine. Thank you Styles." He hesitated._

"_That's ok sir." Styles smiled, and the next moment he was gone – swallowed up by the blur of men on deck._

_Horatio drew his sword. Many of the French fleet had already fled, jumping overboard as they preferred to take their chances in the depths of the salty water below rather than remain on deck and be cut to pieces. A fare few still remained, although their numbers were slowly dwindling as it quickly became obvious to everyone on board that they were now the ones who were outnumbered. _

_Suddenly the crew let out a joyous cry of victory as the remaining Frenchmen scrambled to the sides of the ship and threw themselves over the side. Seeing that their cause was lost and crippled by the loss of their Captain they realised that their efforts were in vain. Witnessing the renewed high spirits of his men and the obvious pride outlined in every single one of their smiling faces Hornblower couldn't help but join them in their small celebration of victory. They had done themselves and their Captain proud this evening._

_It was without warning that the explosion of gun-fire rang out in the night's sky, silencing the men in an instant. Horatio didn't notice anything at first, only the sensation of the pressure as the bullet penetrated his abdomen, then a sudden eruption of pain. His legs buckled from beneath him as he fell to his knees, an expression of shock reflected in his pained face._

"_HORATIO!" Archie cried and he was beside his friend almost immediately. A movement a few meters away caught the crew's attention and suddenly they were all looking in the direction from where the bullet had been fired. One of the French officers lay bleeding from a severe head wound, his pistol raised, black blood staining the hand that had fired the potentially fatal shot. He laughed maliciously at this new scene of devastation he had caused._

"_Not so smart without your Captain now are you?" He snarled with what was to be his final breath. In a fit of rage Styles drew his sword and, marching across the deck, his face full of hatred, he ran the man right through._

_The wound didn't bleed seriously at first, only a small patch of blood spatter betrayed the bullets point of entry, and even when the blood sis begin to flow there was relief to see that it did not pour with the crimson bodily liquids. Even so it was still with a heavy heart that the crew of the _Indefatigable _viewed their commander's current state – they all realised that the probability of internal injury was just too great to be ignored._

"_We need to inform the Captain!" Archie informed the crew above Horatio's cries of pain – even more audible to the men then the moans of those still lying fatally injured scattered around them about the deck. Their bodies already broken it was now up to the strength of their souls as to whether they were to live or die._

"_I'll stay with him lad." Mathews offered - himself deeply pale and still in shock. "You go inform the Captain."_

_Archie wiped away the tears that were rapidly beginning to well up in his eyes, almost blinding him. He tried to say something of comfort to his wounded friend - to let him know that help would be prompt – but he found that every time he opened his mouth to speak he felt physically sick and had to close it quickly again._

"_For God's sake lad!" Mathews pleaded, and with that Archie turned tail and made his way rapidly to the Captain's cabin._

"_You're going to be OK sir." Mathews tried to reassure him, taking the young officer's head in his hands whilst the crew stood around them – some of them in shock, and others unsure of how to handle the situation. For some of the younger crew members this had been their first experience of battle. _

_Suddenly Horatio's cries quietened as he began to slip into unconsciousness and became the sedate and disorientated sobs of a dying man. Mathews looked up, desperate to see signs of help arriving, fear embedded itself deep within his soul – but the deck suddenly seemed unusually silent and empty tonight. "Everything u'l be alright."_


	3. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

The morning's sunlight shone bright through the partially open window of Hornblower's room – it served its purpose well, but still was a chiefly comfortless and cheerless space, and the mood within highly influenced by the current condition of its constant occupant. Archie had opened the window by a few degrees to allow some of the sea air outside to permeate throughout the stale room in the hope that it might in some way stimulate Horatio's apparently dormant senses and coax him from unconsciousness, but so far the cheery ambience of the dawn outside was still yet to be reflected in any welcome improvement in the young man's condition.

The door to the room creaked slightly with age as it was opened with great caution. Archie stirred as booted feet marched heavily across the crumbling wooden floor to come to a halt at the foot of Hornblower's bed. Somehow, despite the events of the previous day, acting Lefttennant Kennedy had yet again managed to fall into a broken and uneasy sleep, but only after sitting up most of the night keeping constant vigil should his friend awake again. He turned in his chair and as its hard wood cut painfully into his side, making his ribs throb in protest, he slowly opened his eyes.

"Captain Pellew!" He exclaimed in surprise as the figure standing before him cleared into view. He struggled to stand to attention in his groggy state, ashamed that he should be caught napping in the presence of his commanding officer.

"At your ease man, at your ease." Pellew raised a hand in protest and Archie relaxed. "God man you look exhausted." The Captain observed with a frown as he eyed the man now standing before him.

"Sorry sir."

"Yes well…" Pellew faltered as he gave his young officer one last, long look. He couldn't help but admire the courage Kennedy was exhibiting in regard to the current situation that had struck a raw nerve with them all. Quickly changing the topic he turned to look at Horatio.

"How is he?" He asked, his own voice shaking slightly with suppressed grief and the emotional strain that the last few weeks had placed on him.

"It's hard to tell sir." Kennedy responded, "I think he may be a little better though."

He smiled hopefully.

"His fever's still quite high, but somehow he managed to split his stitches yesterday, and the doctor, when he was called for, was reassured enough that it should subside in a day or two."

"Yes I heard about that." Pellew tone was grave and painful. "A grave business." He concluded.

His face was contorted with worry, his eyes deeply disturbed. Although no longer a young man, he was certainly not old, and having served for most of his life in His Majesty's Royal Navy he was still considerably fit – yet even now he could not disguise how tired he was, and the obvious toll that the past few weeks had taken on him, and it was evident to Archie that, like himself, the Captain had not been sleeping properly since Horatio had first been shot.

"He… he still hasn't woken up yet sir."

"Yes well, he's been through quite an ordeal, his body has been crippled by his misfortune but he's survived longer than I've seen men survive such an injury before. He's going to need time to recover his strength before he can be declared fit for duty again."

"Pardon me for asking sir, but you are confident of Mr Hornblower's recovery then?"

"I'm sure Mr Hornblower will surprise us all yet with his remarkable resilience." Pellew replied with passion – remembering the trials overcome by his young officer in the past – but if he was honest more hopeful than assured of his eventual recovery. "I won't deny Kennedy, by rights that bullet should have killed him… when I first saw him there, well…"

"You saved his life sir." Archie ventured to comment.

"Yes, well, an act of inconsequence for all the times he's risked his own to save mine… and those of my men…"

Suddenly Horatio flinched and a pained groan escaped him. Pellew turned abruptly, Archie remained where he was – he knew by now that it meant nothing.

"Come on lad, stay with us." Pellew's voice was unusually paternal when he spoke. Archie looked at him – they all knew how he felt about the young Hornblower. For the past few weeks he had watched over his Acting Lefttennant as a father might well a son. He took the young man's hand in his own, leaning over him.

"So many men's prayers are riding on your recovery." From his new position he could see for himself just how pale Hornblower looked, his skin tinged with grey. He could see the sweat on his brow, his dark curls plastered to his forehead with fever, and he reached out protectively to touch the clammy surface of his skin with the cool flesh of the back of his hand before he could stop himself.

"He can't hear you sir." Archie explained.

The Captain looked up. "How long has he been like this?" He asked.

"A couple of hours. I thought it might be a sign of him waking at first sir but… well…"

"Any sign of life can only be a good sign Mr Kennedy," Pellew said before rising, his spirits much lifted after beholding even this small sign of life in the young man. "At least it shows he's still fighting for us." Both men stood in silence for a moment before the Captain added quietly, "he's a good man Kennedy, take care of him."

"Yes sir."

Pellew turned to leave but stopped abruptly just outside the door before turning back into the room. "Oh and Kennedy, if he wakes, don't tell him I was here." His voice was rough again now – dictating his position of seniority – yet still not so authoritative, and yet Archie could tell that this was an order not a request.

"Of course not sir."

"Very good," Pellew nodded his farewell, a small smile spreading across his face before quickly dissolving again along with the Captain as the door closed behind him.

Archie had spent most of his adult life at sea in the very literal sense of the word, and over the years –although still young – he had come to accept that the price of adventure was often at the cost of life itself. But here on land, turning to look at the motionless figure of his brave friend he suddenly felt totally adrift in this unexpectedly unfamiliar territory he now found himself in.

"My dear friend." He whispered.


	4. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

_**Flashback**_

_"MR KENNEDY WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Captain Pellew bellowed at the top of his voice as the young Leftennant came bursting through the door into his cabin. His cheeks were flushed with exertion and his breath was coming out in long raspy gulps as he fought to fill them with air and regain his composure. He was finding that the weakness of his stomach was by now making him feel quite unwell, and in the time it had taken him to reach the Captain's cabin a hard lump had formed in his throat making it difficult for him to get his words out._

"_Mr Mathews said it should be me who fetched you sir… I'm afraid there's little time to explain!"_

"_Explain what man?" The Captain's tone softened slightly once he'd had chance to get over the initial shock of having his cabin invaded so abruptly – but he still spoke with a sternness that would have made Archie want to tread very carefully, had it not been for the question of whether Horatio was still fighting for his life, or whether he was even still alive. _

"_I'm afraid its Lefttennant Hornblower sir." Archie explained, feeling as though he was going to choke on the lump in his throat. Captain Pellew suddenly went silent. Most of the crew had already guessed at the great sentiment their Captain felt towards the young officer – from the first moment he had met the then seventeen year old Hornblower he had seen something rare in him and had vowed to nurture the young man in the very best way he could. "I'm afraid he's been shot sir."_

"_What's his condition?" Pellew asked, expecting the response to be that one of his best officers – and the man he had grown to look upon as he may his own son – was amongst the fallen. _

"_I don't know sir… he was still fighting true to form when I left him." Archie explained. "…but I greatly fear for him."_

_At this Pellew snatched at his only recently removed coat and bade Archie follow him back the way he had just come. His pace was so fast that Archie found himself having to jog to keep up with him – battle and grief having already left him bereft of energy. Not a word was exchanged between the two men – each was too locked in their own thoughts to pay very much regard to the other. Captain Pellew paused as he reached the deck, he sunk his head in despair and closed his eyes to the scene of devastation that was evident all about him. It had started to rain and cold wet droplets soaked the dead and alive alike, washing away the blood into the sea._

"_He's over here sir." Archie said leading the way, and the Captain followed. Some of the crew, upon Matthew's orders, had already dispersed from around Hornblower's body and were busy tending to the dead and the not so seriously wounded. When Pellew first came into view of the small group of men he noticed Styles and Mathews leaning beside Horatio's limp frame – Mathews' ear pressed close to the young officers mouth as he spoke weakly – and he decided to stand on the side line for a while whist he assessed the man's injuries and weighed up what was to be done. Archie knelt down next to Styles who, noticing the Captain's presence, gave him a respectfully grave look._

"_You did well today sir." Mathews reassured Horatio._

"_I only did my duty Mathews, as did we all." Horatio spoke before turning slowly to Styles, "You saved my life Styles," he forced the words from between clenched teeth and lips pursed with pain, and winced. "… Though I fear it was for nothing."_

"_Don't be an idiot Horatio." Archie said when Styles found himself unable to respond. "You've come through worse than this."_

"_Though nothing quite so painful Archie." Horatio pointed out with a weak cough, forcing a smile. "I'm just so tired now."_

"_You mustn't go to sleep sir." Mathews urged him, adjusting the young officer's position somewhat in a bid to make him a little less comfortable – although it was all in vein, Horatio's head and neck went limp in the ageing seaman's arms and he let out a long flow of gentle breath. _

_"Sir? … Sir?" Mathews tried to rouse him. _

"_Horatio?" Archie spoke, trying to remain calm, but feeling fear rising from the pit of his stomach. The sound was somewhat reminiscent of the feared death rattle – all too commonly associated with war._

_At this Pellew stepped forward – he had allowed his presence to go unnoticed for quite long enough. "Mr Hornblower! Mr Hornblower!" He called._

"_He still has a pulse sir." Mathews pointed out as he pressed his fingers to Horatio's neck. "It's weak but it's there." He gave the Captain a small, relieved smile._

"_Right," Pellew immediately sprang into action, "Get him down to the sick berth… you men there fetch the surgeon!" He ordered a couple of younger officers, their faces paled by fear and fatigue. _

"_Aye aye sir."_

_As Styles and Kennedy lifted Horatio's weak form he immediately thrashed out in what appeared to be a sudden burst of pain, bringing him back to a state of forced and uneasy consciousness. He instinctively reached out to grasp the arm of the man closest to him, squeezing it like a vice – as though to let go would be to resign himself to an eternal sleep._

"_Who's that?" He asked weakly of the men as he felt the dry and calloused texture of flesh and bone between his fingers._

"_Mathews sir." His friend spoke in a shaky tone, trying to conceal the almost unbearable combination of fear and grief which was eating him up insode. "We're all behind ya sir."_

"_Where's the Captain?" Hornblower ventured to ask. Nobody replied at first – all turned questioningly towards their Captain, unsure of whether or not he would prefer his presence to remain undeclared._

"_I'm here Mr Hornblower." Pellew's voice was as controlled as he could manage under the circumstances – but was somewhat hushed and still trembled slightly, betraying his grief._

"_Sir?" Horatio croaked, forcing his eyes open at the sound of his voice, only to recoil again as the harsh light of the evening sky above pierced his ocular nerves._

"_You did a good job tonight Mr Hornblower." Pellew cleared his throat, reassuring the young officer of his conduct. "I'm proud of you."_

"_It's been an honour to serve with you sir." Hornblower grimaced as further pain gripped his abdomen._

"_Oh don't be ridiculous man!" Pellew dismissed this somewhat harshly, giving the Lefttennant a sidelong glance of concern. "I'm not letting you give up that easily!"_

_Horatio was made to smile at this, letting out an agonised groan. "I don't know how much longer I can take this sir." He admitted._

"_You'll be just fine sir." Styles encouraged. "You're not through by a long shot yet." The small group of men had, by now, begun to move Hornblower steadily to the sick berth, but he'd seemed totally oblivious until they'd laid him down in the cot which had hastily been set up for him. Doctor Hepplewhite was already waiting with a small vile of opiate to hand and everybody but Pellew – who was above submitting to the same orders as his crew – and Archie – who simply refused to leave his friend's side – was hastily ushered from the room, unsure if they would ever see the young officer alive again._

_Getting to work immediately Hepplewhite tried to dish out the required dosage of the sleeping drug to his young patient, who pulled away quickly as the glass rim of the bottle was pressed to his lips – however he did not appear entirely conscious of his actions._

"_Come on Horatio." Archie pleaded with him, to no response. "It'll make you feel better."_

_After a long pause for consideration Pellew spoke up. "Let me do that." He said pointing towards the half empty bottle of opiate in the surgeon's hand._

"_Are you sure sir?" Hepplewhite asked dubiously._

"_Yes." Came Pellew's curt reply._

"_Very well sir." He replied, handing him the small vile of brown, milky liquid. "I'll leave you to it for a moment." He said leaving Pellew and Archie alone in the room with Horatio._

_Pellew said nothing, he continued to watch an unconscious Horatio – feverish with the pain now – as though he were one of his own, all the worry of a grief stricken father visible in every line and withered crease of his face. He looked almost peaceful compared to how he had appeared up on deck, it seemed cruel to wake him and make him suffer through the pain again… but their efforts must be focused on saving his life now._

"_I'm sure he would forgive you sir, if he knew it was for his own good." Archie said, guessing what was troubling his captain – and with that Pellew shook Horatio awake._

_Later Captain Pellew was seen leaving Horatio's room a broken man. As soon as Hepplewhite had lifted Horatio's shirt to reveal the bloody wound beneath both Pellew and Archie had drawn back. They had not expected it to be pleasant, but to see the severity of the wound had still been a shock. The doctor had insisted that the bullet must be removed otherwise the fever would take Horatio before the night was out, but both parties knew that the surgery alone was enough to kill the young officer in the condition he was in. A difficult decision had to be made, Pellew had seen such wounds sustained by his men in battle before but none of them had survived very long after the fever had developed – and yet never had he seen a single man come through this particularly invasive surgery before. He felt as though he was fighting a losing battle with death approaching from both sides. Eventually however he had made his decision._

"_Mr Kennedy… I think it's time we said goodbye now." He said gravely._

"_Sir?" Archie asked._

"_I have had to make an impossible decision Mr Kennedy…" He explained. "I agree with the doctor that Mr Hornblower cannot continue with such a fever… and yet I will not deny that the surgery is almost certainly a death sentence in itself." _

_He then turned to Doctor Hepplewhite. "I consent to the surgery sir… although I accept that if he comes through it well it will be nothing short of a miracle… just… just do all you can for him." He added, before turning back to look at Hornblower laid out in the cot before him – now only semi-conscious._

"_Mr Hornblower," He faltered, bending down so that his mouth was nearer the young man's ear, and his voice shaking as he spoke softly into it, "it has been an honour to serve with you." He told him._

_He then rose stiffly, and gave his young Lefttennant a respectful salute – a gesture Hornblower sadly remained oblivious to. Then with a final glance in Horatio's direction he had left – a shadow of the man he had been when he'd woken that morning – leaving Archie too to say his final farewell…_


	5. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

"Horatio? Horatio?"

Archie leaned over his friend, looking down at him hopefully as he began to stir, before rushing to the bedroom door in a state of feverish elation to instruct someone – anyone – to inform Captain Pellew that Horatio finally appeared to be showing signs of regaining consciousness. Archie had been busy reading – seated in his usual position in the hard wooden seat pulled up close to Horatio's bedside – and had looked up from his page, only briefly pausing mid-flow to check on his friend.

It was nothing more than false hope which had caused him to abandon his idle occupation every time Horatio showed the slightest sign of life – for, as he had explained to Captain Pellew only days before, his condition had remained constant and he had shown no signs of improvement since they had first docked at port – and so it was that he inevitably had allowed his gaze to reluctantly return to his book.

It had been one Horatio had lent him, and Archie had sought comfort in it – being one of the last gifts his friend had given him before the assault upon him. He had found some of it most useful – especially if he hoped to rise in the ranks himself someday. Although some of the subject matter was perhaps a little tedious and hard going at times, and he had taken a break from his page to watch the gentle rise and fall of his friend's ribcage and reassure himself that he was at least still alive.

He had risen gingerly from his seat and flinched as his stiff and aching legs had nearly given way beneath him. He hadn't eaten and had barely drank in days, and was beginning to feel the effects of many sleepless nights. There had been no work to do here apart from watch over his friend, and no obvious danger to keep him on his toes – lest Horatio should wake up to an empty room and a strange and unfamiliar bed whilst his men slept and dined and drank their heavy hearts into a numb oblivion. What did it matter if he had had to sacrifice his health for the sake of his friend's life? He asked himself.

"Archie…" Horatio muttered with a small smile as he prised his eyes open.

"Shhhh…" Archie put a finger to his friend's cracked lips to silence him, but true to form Horatio could not be silenced and with a wince of pain he started to try and elevate himself into a sitting position.

"Horatio just lie there and rest awhile." Archie bade him softly, applying a gentle pressure to his friend's shoulders and easing him gently back down onto the bed – tears of relief welling in his eyes. "I can hardly believe that you're awake." He sighed quietly, almost as though he were talking to himself, and silence lapsed between them for a while after that.

Archie thought that his friend may have fallen asleep again.

"I thought I heard you call me in my sleep." He finally spoke however, unable to bare the silence between them any longer, and needing to say something, anything, to fill the void – even if that meant talking to himself.

"I did." Horatio responded much to his friend's surprise. "I guess I just wasn't quite ready." He smiled.

"And now?" Archie asked him.

"I'm sick of sleep." Horatio managed a laugh, before weakly asking, "How long have I been asleep?"

"Close to a month." Archie answered honestly – his lip quivered visibly with the memory of the past few weeks, and this made his voice crack slightly as he sucked in a large intake of breath to steady his shattered nerves. "You gave us all such a scare Horatio, so many times we thought we had lost you…. I've never known so many of the men so quiet!" He added with a smile.

"How are they all?" Horatio asked, thinking back to the evening he had sustained his injury.

"A little subdued maybe." Archie considered. "They'll be all the better to hear that you've finally decided to return to us." He explained. "Physically, most escaped serious injury, just minor cuts and bruises for the most part."

"I'm glad." Hornblower smiled upon hearing this.

"The Captain will be relieved to know you are awake." Archie told him.

"What, he's been here?" Horatio asked.

"Every day since we docked, he's been a shadow of himself for the past few weeks." Archie's voice was hollow as he explained.

"Poor old Pellew." Horatio grinned affectionately.

"He saved your life." Archie pointed out – although rather needlessly. He'd been unconscious for most of the time since receiving his gunshot injury, but he'd had some periods of lucidity, and Hornblower remembered enough about what had happened to him to be aware of the fact that he owed the Captain his life.

"I know," He replied, "and I am forever in his debt."

Archie seemed to be about to respond to this but there suddenly came a knock upon the door and Styles and Mathews entered cautiously before he could say the words which he'd been about to speak – both smiling broadly at the sight of the young Hornblower.

"Sorry to intrude sir," Mathews spoke first, "but we had to come and see for ourselves if what people are saying was true."

"No need to apologise Mathews, come in." Horatio's speech was growing stronger by the minute as he was reunited with his friends one by one. "It's good to see you." He smiled at the man.

"Not 'alf as great as it is to see you sir!" Styles grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"I can't tell ya how glad we are to see such an improvement in ya sir!" Mathews smiled. "I must admit there was a moment back there when we thought we may have lost ya."

"Yes… well…" Horatio faltered, his smile wavering a little with the thought of what very nearly may have been.

"Sorry sir, I didn't mean to…" Mathews checked himself, recognising the pain in the slight quiver of Hornblower's voice and realising that the events of the past few weeks must still have been very fresh and raw in the young officer's mind. Horatio raised a hand in protest however, indicating to Mathews that an apology was not necessary.

"Oh, Mr Kennedy before I forget some of the men have been asking for you sir, I think it's regarding the young Mr. Hornblower's condition." Styles said. Each man regarded the other knowingly.

"Well I had better go and humour them then." Archie grinned. "Perish the thought that we should keep them waiting any longer." He joked, looking at Horatio who weakly returned the gesture. "Although I must admit that there has been something vaguely refreshing about their new found calm these past weeks."

Horatio smiled.

"If you don't mind I'll come with you sir." Styles informed him. "Now that Mr Hornblower seems to be on the mend I have a few things I need to do before my shore leave ends."

Archie nodded.

"Will you be ok?" He asked, turning to his friend.

"I'll stay with him sir." Mathews offered. "You go do what needs to be done."

Archie looked at the older man gratefully, although still stole one last glance at Horatio – who nodded briefly to his friend in reassurance that this was alright – before Styles and Kennedy left.

Both Hornblower and Matthews sat in silence for a while after the two men had left, but as soon as Horatio was sure that Archie must by now be a safe distance away from his rooms he tried yet again to heave himself to a sitting position – taking the older seaman by surprise.

"What are you doing sir?" Mathews asked, taken aback by the young man's uncharacteristically rash actions, and immediately concerned.

"I'm getting up." Horatio strained to speak through the pain, which had again gripped his abdomen.

"Oh… no sir… I really don't think that's such a good idea." Mathews tried to reason with him – not prone to panic but uneasy non-the-less, and knowing that his words would most likely be falling upon deaf ears before they had even parted from his lips. "I'm not sure Mr Kennedy would approve." He reasoned, hoping to inspire Horatio into submission.

"Well he's not here." Horatio pointed out bluntly – pain lowering the natural good humour which had made him so popular amongst his men. "Now help me up!" He demanded of the man.

"Sir?" Mathews pleaded with him one last time. "This is not the way, you could do yourself further injury!"

"That's an order Mathews!" Horatio barked at him however, and with that the old seaman knew that he was beaten. He gently pulled the covers back from the bed, exposing Horatio's thin and pale legs – he looked so weak Mathews wondered if he would even be able to support himself, let alone walk unaided – but the young officer was determined. He wrapped Horatio's bony arm around his shoulders and heaved him up until they were both standing. Horatio wobbled slightly but Mathews refused to let him fall. Suddenly Horatio pulled away from him abruptly and as Mathews grip was realised with the surprise the young officer stumbled and fell to his knees with a harsh thud.

"DAMN!" Horatio cursed, thumping the mahogany floor with his fist in frustration.

"Never mind sir, you'll find your sea legs again in no time." Mathews reassured him as he helped him back into bed, but to his surprise Horatio hardly seemed to hear him as he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

"It's just gonna take time." Mathews whispered to him as he took Archie's place watching over the young man – seated in the hard wooden seat beside his bed.

He couldn't help but smile – despite the young man's evident frustration and lack of energy for the first time in a very long time he finally felt confidently reassured that Hornblower would eventually make a full recovery…


	6. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

_**Flashback**_

_Archie had not left his friend's side in days – by some miracle Horatio had come through the surgery to remove the bullet as well as could be expected – but the continued near certainty and fear of infection had led the young man to keep a constant vigil at his friend's bedside. Horatio had not yet regained consciousness, which had been a cause of intense despair for Pellew – who blamed himself for consenting to such a risky procedure in the first place when Horatio was far too weak to withstand it. He had spent most of his days residing in the sick berth, keeping an uncommonly paternal watch over Hornblower's comatose form – it was all he could do to convince Archie to return to his duties on deck. _

_The pair of them had eventually come to an unspoken agreement to keep watch in turns, and had learnt to work in shifts, with Pellew only leaving his young charge's side during the day to take his meals – which had become an increasingly irregular occurrence as time had crept on – and summoning Doctor Hepplewhite whenever he was required on deck. The young man was never to be left alone – not even for a moment. Archie took over in the evenings when Pellew returned to his cabin to rest, sleeping close by his friend should he wake in the night – but to his dismay he never did. _

_Archie still hadn't forgotten the final moment he had spent with Horatio before his surgery. It had been one of the most painful moments of his life to realise that death was lurking around the corner just waiting for the opportune moment to steal his friend away from him, possibly even before he'd had the chance to say goodbye. Horatio had by then been so out of it with pain and blood loss – even before a generous dose of opiate had been administered – and the mere memory was still the cause of many restless nights plagued by terrible nightmares for an exhausted Archie._

_Even now – despite the fact that Horatio had shown some encouraging signs of improvement throughout the past few days, and appeared to still be fighting for his life with a strength which surpassed anything which could have been expected of him – something still troubled both Archie and Pellew, refusing to cease praying upon their minds._

_Hepplewhite had assigned a young apprentice to take on the bulk of Horatio's care –Kostello. A man now in his early twenties, he was considered by all to be a little old to only just be starting out in the Navy. He was tall, thin – almost emaciated in his appearance – and suffered from the tell-tale yellow face of jaundice resulting from an unhealthy taste for strong drink, which he would carry in a flask permanently strapped to his trouser belt, and would down in excessive amounts every evening without fail. Despite this however he appeared eager, and seemed genuinly passionate about Horatio's care, although was clearly neglecting his duties. _

_The young officer's bandages had not been changed in days and many of his wounds had been left exposed to the open air – fearful of infection Pellew had confronted Hepplewhite on several occasions with little success – but the true extent of Horatio's neglect had not come to light until almost a week later. _

_The young Lefttennant stirred slightly, letting out a faint protest of pain as consciousness in kind returned to him. Pellew, who's turn it had been to keep watch, had been beside him immediately, but Kostello had beaten the Captain to it – opium bottle in hand as he prepared to pour it's remaining milky brown contents down the young officer's throat. Pellew had felt as though he had little choice but to intervene._

"_No!" He'd ordered._

"_Captain Pellew sir get out of my way." The young man had looked at his superior with a forced air of calm, but a wild look had descended upon his face as he evidently relished on the power he'd been granted over another person's life. Pellew had seen it before in so many of his men, he had almost once considered it a natural part of being human – but to witness it in the eyes of the young medic now standing before him had filled his heart with an impending dread he had never felt the likes of before – and he would not have been ashamed to confess that it had scared him. _

"_No! I said no more doctor." Pellew had demanded, pushing his way in front of Kostello and putting himself between purported care giver and patient as the younger man had advanced on Horatio. "That's an order!"_

"_With all due respect sir," the young man had growled, "you are not a medical man, and you are not the one who will suffer the agonies of such a wound as he undoubtedly will if he's allowed to regain consciousness to soon. He's body has not yet been given sufficient time to recover. I am only trying to do my job!" Kostello had spoken through gritted teeth._

"_Your words are bordering on mutiny man!" Pellew had warned him. "I would advise you to revise your tone if you hope to continue your service with me."_

"_I know my work sir." The young man had protested._

"_And I know my men!" Had been Pellew's final word on the matter as Kostello had made defiantly for the door – before turning abruptly on his Captain once more. "You haven't been in service very long." Pellew cut the man off before he had given him the chance to speak. "You don't know our Mr Hornblower. He has strength enough to cope with this, but how can you as a medical man ever hope for him to recover if you sedate him every time he shows the slightest sign of waking up."_

"_The shock could kill him…" _

_Pellew's heart froze as he saw the smile creep across the other man's face as he uttered these words which struck him like a blow from a musket ball – and he realised that this was a threat. Kostello had left without another word – speech no longer had any baring on the matter – everything he had really wanted to say had been best expressed by the look on his face. _

_It wasn't in the Captain's nature to jump to hasty conclusions about any his men – each of them had a flee ridden rat in their past which might well plague their future. Pellew was not above giving men second chances, but it was well regarded amongst all the crew that the evening Horatio had been shot they had been betrayed, and the Captain was suspicious. Kostello was the ship's only newly appointed member – the rest were men Pellew already knew and trusted – but he couldn't condemn a man based on suspicion alone and although it would be to his future regret he decided, at least for the present moment to keep his concerns about the young man to himself._

_A couple of days later Horatio's fever spiked dangerously and it was clear to everyone that their worst fears had been realised - the infection had spread to his blood, and now it really was going to take a miracle to save the honoured officer's life. _

_Archie had awoken in the night to find his friend on the floor, his body convulsing with the cold which permeated his bones, but his stony pale skin burning with the fire of high fever – his cheeks bore the tell-tale flush of sickness. _

"_Horatio…" Archie had uttered in despair as he scrambled from his hammock – nearly losing his footing with the unevenness of the ship as it was carried by the sea's rough waves. He reached his young friend and knelt down beside him, brushing his soaking wet locks away his eyes. "Shhhh its OK Horatio, it's OK… just… just wake up now." He soothed, terror creeping into his tone as he spoke those pleading words to his oblivious friend. "HEPPLEWHITE!" He cried out into the night, "DOCTOR HEPPLEWHITE!… SOMEONE!" _

_He heard hurried footsteps outside and looked up to see the doctor enter the room – older and more experienced Archie was relieved to see that it was Hepplewhite himself who had heeded to his call rather than Kostello – he would not admit it to Pellew but he had been deeply concerned that Horatio appeared to be showing little sign of improvement under the young apprentice's care. _

"_I just found him like this…" Archie explained – his breath was ragged as he struggled to control the gut wrenching panic now twisting his insides into a tight knot. _

"_Go and fetch the Captain Mr Kennedy!" Hepplewhite had instructed him, taking a long look at the shivering form upon the floor before trying to heave the young Hornblower back into bed._

"_Will he be alright?" Archie had asked – discouraged by the look upon the doctor's withered face as he glanced gravely at Horatio's exposed wounds. _

_"I don't know Mr Kennedy…" he answered honestly, "it's not looking good for him I'm afraid." And with that Archie had left the room, his heart struck cold, and numb, as he realised that he had known the answer even before he had asked the question._

_Tears began to well in his eyes but he brushed them away as he reached the Captain's cabin and knocked lightly upon the door. He was unsure as to whether Pellew had heard him at first – maybe he was asleep like most of the other men would be at this time of night, he thought, although he considered it unlikely – and he waited until Pellew's deep voice rang out with the order for him to enter, which he did to find his captain sitting at his desk, pen in hand._

"_Mr Kennedy!" Pellew exclaimed with surprise, shocked that the young man should not be found at his friend's bedside at this time._

"_I'm sorry to disturb you sir, but doctor Hepplewhite would like to speak with you." Archie explained._

"_Is it Mr Hornblower?" The Captain asked, rising immediately to his feet, alarm bells evidently ringing._

_Kennedy nodded. "__I think he may be dyeing." He explained._

_Pellew's blanched face pale, his eyes fixed with pained expectation as warm tears began to tricke down Archie's marble cheeks, and this time the young man made no effort to swipe them away – but still the Captain did not permit himself to let go of his guard._

"_Come on man…" he spoke softly, placing a comforting hand upon the younger officers shoulder, and giving him a rare taste of the fatherly concern he often showed for the young man in the sick berth below them. "Pull yourself together, let's go and find out what can be done." _

_There was no time wasted in waiting for Pellew to change – despite the unearthly hour he was still dressed in his uniform and looked as though he hadn't slept properly in days. He shut the door to his cabin tightly behind them – still taking precautions against the suspected traitor on board – and together they made their way back through the maze of corridors below deck to the medical berth. Hepplewhite stood waiting for them at the door of Horatio's room._

"_How is he?" Pellew asked._

"_I've administered quite a heavy dose of opium so he's sleeping now." The weary doctor explained. "I'm afraid he has developed a severe infection meaning that his fever is now dangerously high but I'm hoping that the drugs should allow him to rest more peacefully… there isn't much more we can do for him now other than keep him as comfortable as possible and hope for the best." He told them both gravely."I've dressed the wounds as far as I can but they are going to need regular cleansing for the next few days to prevent further infection. The only consolation is that the area where the bullet penetrated his abdomen appears quite clear, the poison appears to be largely concentrated around some of the more severe flesh wounds he sustained, so fortunately it hasn't gone too deep."_

"_But will he be alright?" Archie pressed the man._

"_That's very much down to him now I'm afraid." Hepplewhite explained. "It's still very early days, but I wouldn't advise you get your hopes up, he is very dangerously sick."_

"_How could you allow him to get into this state?" Archie snapped, but Pellew raised a hand to silence him._

"_Why did you ask to speak with me?" He asked the doctor._

"_Well… I'm afraid…" Hepplewhite began to stutter nervously now, a strangely guilty expression descending upon him. "I'm afraid that all this may be my fault."_

"_What do you mean?" Archie asked, but Hepplewhite said very little further._

"_Follow me." he bade them sombrely to follow him, before turning his back on the two men and heading in the direction of another smaller and rather dingy room adjoining onto the sick berth. "Things are a little more private in here."_

_It took a while for Archie's eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room. There were no windows down here, and so very little light but as his eyes gradually began to adjust to the unnatural gloom of the bowls of the ship he recognised that they were now in a small adjoining bedroom. A strong smell of damp lingered around the vicinity of a near-by bed, and Archie assumed that the aroma was coming from what appeared to be a pile of old sheets and clothing laid out on top of it. He screwed his nose up in disgust at the sickly sweet smell._

"_I'm sorry," Hepplewhite spoke, breaking the uncomfortable silence which had elapsed between the three men, and Archie gasped as all at once he made out the heaped mass of jumbled rags for what they really were – sprayed out upon the bed was the dead figue of a man – it was Kostello, his eyes closed as though he were sleeping, but his body cold and grey. He turned to look at Pellew who by now had also noticed the unconscious form of the young man – his arm draped carelessly over the edge of the bed, limp and pale._

"_It's too late." Hepplewhite explained, his voice uncommonly unsteady with emotion. "He's already dead." But both men had seen enough of death and its effect upon a man's body in their time to already realise this._

"_What? How? How did this happen?" Pellew demanded to know. _

"_I found these beside him." Hepplewhite explained, drawing two small empty viles from deep within his jacket pocket – traces of the opiate still clinging to their glass rims, where it trickled down the inside and formed thin sticky brown puddles. "There was no note…" He told them. "You see I guess I always knew really, who it was who betrayed us, and that he was intentionally neglecting Mr Hornblower's care as soon as he failed to improve. I just didn't want to admit it to myself."_

"_Who was he… really?" Archie asked, still staring blankly at the body of the dead man laid out upon the bed. "That is if it's not too above my station to ask." He added._

"_He was __the son of an old friend of mine." Hepplewhite revealed to them, indicating to Lefttennant Kennedy that it was not, and reasoning that if anyone was entitled to an explanation besides Captain Pellew and Lefttennant Hornblower himself it was the friend who had stayed glued to the young man's bedside for the past few days. "I was told that he had gone off the rails somewhat recently," he explained, "and I thought that if I could just give him some semblance of stability – to give him a taste of responsibility – and a chance to prove himself capable, that I might be able to make some sort of difference to the young man's life."_

"_But you failed!" Archie snapped, turning on the despondent doctor in the grip of an uncharacteristic rage. "You put all of our lives in danger! And for what?" He asked him – although never really expecting an answer. "You jeopardised the life of one of our countries best officers!" _

"_I know, but he can't hurt anyone anymore." Hepplewhite whispered sadly in a hushed tone, almost as though he were now talking to himself._

"_It may already be too late… you saw Horatio just now, the damage has already been done!" Archie snarled._

"_But it's not irreversible." The doctor insisted. _

"_Mr Kennedy where are you going?" The Captain demanded an explanation from the officer as with this Archie began to make his way towards the door._

"_Horatio needs me," The young man said, "and if it would be permissible sir I should like to sit with him a while."_

_Captain Pellew nodded his approval, and Lefttennant Kennedy left, unable to stand the stench of death and the suffocating atmosphere any longer. You could cut the air in the small room with a knife and his head had already begun to throb slightly at the temples as the claustrophobia began to set in._

_With the two older men then left alone in the room Hepplewhite made his way slowly over towards the bed where the dead man still lay, bending down almost as though in prayer as he took hold of Kostello's cold, limp hand, and caressing the pale skin of his bony fingers. He heard footsteps from behind as Pellew joined him, and the Captain placed a gentle hand upon the grief stricken doctor's shoulder before quickly drawing it away._

"_Thank you." Hepplewhite turned to Pellew, his lips set grave and sombre and the usual chutzpah of the man now abandoned in the midst of the devastation his misguided act had caused._

"_For what?" The Captain asked him hollowly. The fact that the situation may easily have been avoided had doctor Hepplewhite acted on his suspicions sooner, or, even better, had he not engaged the employ of a young man with such poor reputation in the first place, had not escaped his notice. He bore a slight frown of confusion upon his face however, and there was a glimmer of feigned surprise within his troubled eyes._

"_For doing what I could not." Hepplewhite murmured._

"_I don't know what you mean." Pellew brushed away the man's comment abruptly with a curt wave of his hand._

"_There was no suicide note." The doctor said, fixing his Captain with a knowing look, as though this fact explained everything. His back to the man Pellew's eyes drew closed in an expression akin to one who has been found out in an act which sat displeasingly with even themselves, a stony look etched into his face._

"_As you say he can't hurt anyone anymore." He sighed. "I regret the loss of life but something had to be done. He was a man beyond saving."_

"_Your secret's safe with me sir." Hepplewhite nodded. "At least now Mr Hornblower might stand a slim chance at life." _

_An eerie silence brought about by a mutual understanding and acceptance then elapsed between the two men, whilst Archie presently sat in the next room – oblivious to the actions of his Captain, which had quite possibly saved the life of his best friend – although he wouldn't have thought any the less of him had he have known, and would have indeed respected him all the more for the very difficult decision he'd had to make. He had resumed his usual position close by Horatio's bedside but still could not bring himself to sleep, and clinging tightly to his friend's warm and fevered hand in the hope that it might, in time, provoke some positive response from him he muttered a private prayer to guide them home._


	7. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

When Captain Pellew paid Horatio an unexpected visit a few days after he received news that the Lefttennant had at last regained consciousness he was relieved, if not a little surprised, to see the young officer awake – half sitting up, half still lying in bed, reading. Hornblower's eyes were bright with an eagerness which was all too familiar to the Captain as he hungrily devoured each line of the text before him, and Pellew's heart lifted with relief as the young man turned to look at him – although he observed that, still dangerously thin and deathly pale, his expression still bore every indication of the trial he had been through. Those same eager eyes were sunken and tired.

"Captain Pellew Sir!" Horatio's voice was hoarse from its lack of recent use as he released his fragile grip on the heavy book, letting it slip from between his bony fingers with surprise – it landed with a loud thud on the floor. Horatio winced, clearly pained, as the harsh sound did little to help the throbbing in his head.

"At your ease man." Pellew reassured the young man with a casual wave of his hand as he bent down to retrieve the heavy encyclopaedia from the dusty floor. "Believe it or not this is a social visit." He smiled as he handed the fallen edition back to Hornblower who accepted it gratefully before carefully marking his page – once he'd successfully located it again – and reached around stiffly to put it back on the bedside table.

"Pardon me if I don't stand to attention sir." He looked up smiling – a gesture which seemed somewhat forced and haunted to the Captain. "I'm afraid I have rather had to abandon such formalities of late."

"Yes well…" Pellew cleared his throat, acknowledging his Lefttennant with a brief nod of his head as he quickly regressed back to his customarily closed disposition. "I would like to say how much better you are looking today."

"Thank you sir." Horatio nodded.

"Are you feeling better?" Captain Pellew continued, a little awkwardly.

"Very much so sir."

The conversation was brusque in its untimeliness, although both men shared a mutual understanding and respect for each other that allowed them to say, and understand, far more than could be expressed through words. Pellew took a long hard look around the darkened room and sighed – he wondered how the young man could have seen to read anything in this light. Although he had admittedly spent much time surrounded by these four oppressive walls during the past few weeks it was only now that the dismal melancholy of the room dawned on him. His thoughts turned to the comparative comfort of the military hospital, but Hornblower had been initially too weak for them to even consider moving him once they had docked, and he realised that these barely adequate lodgings had served as his only chance of survival only a couple of weeks before.

"Where's Mr Kennedy?" The older man asked the younger.

"I finally persuaded him to take a break from my bedside." Horatio smiled faintly, apparently lost in his own world of reflection. "He's down at the docks… sir are you sure this is just a social visit?" He asked, snapping out of his contemplation abruptly and turning to look at Pellew, a knowing spark in his eyes. The suddenness of his question caught the Captain a little off guard – evidently even in his significantly weakened state nothing escaped the notice of Mr Hornblower – his instincts were sharper than any man equal to him in age that Pellew had encountered before.

The Captain gazed at the young man in front of him – the keen expression which naturally lit up his eager face, his cheeks still pink with slight fever, his mouth set. His eyes betrayed a slight sense of self satisfaction at his own perceptiveness, and Pellew sighed.

"Nothing gets past you does it Mr Horblower?" He asked with a slight smile.

"I would consider myself a rather poor officer if it did sir." Horatio replied, waiting for his Captain's response.

"I have received orders," Pellew explained, "to make sail for Gibraltar in a few day's time… it appears that the board at the admiralty are rather under the impression that we have been at port quite long enough, they are impatient for the _Indefatigable _and her crew to return to the war as soon as possible."

The two men stared at each other in uncomfortable contemplation, both painfully aware of what this would mean for the recovering Horatio – whom, still too weak to return to work, would in all likelihood would be required to remain behind. The news struck devastating blow, although he tried not to show it.

"How many days?" He asked, swallowing hard.

"We set sail Friday." Pellew's response was apprehensive – baring every indication of a man torn – unsure of how to possibly resolve such a complex situation. It was quite clear that the thought of being left behind whilst his ship and her crew returned to the war broke the young man's heart, and Captain Pellew didn't particularly want to have to abandon one of his best men either, especially one so dear to his heart.

"Tell me Mr Hornblower," he asked at last, "how do you feel about the possibility of being left behind to continue your recuperation here on land?"

"Well I can't say that I'm happy about it sir." The young officer sighed – regretful but determined to retain a stiff upper lip despite the circumstances. "I'm well aware that it could be months before I am able to rejoin the service, I already miss the sea more than I ever thought possible… I don't think I could bare it." He confessed.

"Yes well," Pellew scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully, "That's understandable."

"It's all just so frustrating!" He noticed as Horatio tried to disguise his hands beneath his bed-sheets as his fists clenched tightly, and he struggled to hide his irritation.

"Come Mr Hornblower, you've come through much worse before," The Captain did his best to reassure the young man, "and no doubt there will be worse to come which you will also overcome."

"If only I wasn't so weak!" Horatio groaned through tightly gritted teeth as he forced himself higher up in the bed, grimacing and exhausted as he gripped at his still healing stomach, his breath coming in short, shallow rasps. "And the pain." He gulped.

"Shhhhh," Pellew let out a soft breath as he attempted to comfort the young man – concerned by his uncharacteristic outburst. He was evidently being eaten up by the restlessness and fear felt by a true seaman - one who had already been away from his ship for far too long. "Mr Hornblower, just how much time do you think you need?" He asked.

"I'm not sure I follow you sir." Horatio frowned.

"Sometimes in order to heal the body, we must first focus on healing the soul." The Captain muttered almost as though to himself, before turning more purposefully back to face the young officer. "There may be something I can do." He said.

And so it was that they spent the rest of the afternoon engaged in idle conversation. Nothing more was mentioned about the ships departure in a few day's time, and Hornblower didn't press his Captain about what had really been meant when he'd spoken in terms of the 'body' and 'soul' and what it was he thought he might be able to do.

When Archie returned a few hours later Captain Pellew left – but it was having given Horatio renewed hope that he would one day soon be walking the decks of the _Indefatigable _again, and he was made to smile at his Captain's loyalty – if not left feeling a little bewildered by his secretiveness.


	8. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7 **

_**FLASHBACK**_

_As Hepplewhite made his way silently out of Horatio's room a few days later Archie noticed how tired and pale the surgeon looked. Archie himself was both physically and emotionally exhausted and feeling the effects of severe sleep deprivation. Even so he slipped below deck for a few moments of peace in the hope of receiving an update on his friend's condition before having to return to duty. The news that Horatio's fever had finally broken the day before had come as a relief to everyone aboard the _Indefatigable_, __and even Captain Pellew had struggled to contain an open gesture of cheer when he'd heard the news – but the crew's unexpected revelry was still somewhat dulled by the knowledge that their young commander was still far from out of the woods yet and their inner despondency continued to weigh heavily upon their shoulders. _

_Archie had found very little time to concern himself with his own steadily deteriorating state of health as he continued to loyally divide his time between his duties to his Captain and his loyalty to his friend – lying awake most nights next to Horatio's bedside until the early hours of the morning. He felt too troubled to allow his exhausted body to succumb to the encroaching sleep which was now constantly threatening his every waking moment. Now as he descended the wooden stairs to where the crew's sleeping quarters and the sick berth were located upon the magnificent vessel in which they sailed he stumbled on the final step, alerting the approaching Hepplewhite to his presence._

_"__Mr Kennedy?" The surgeon smiled wearily as he looked up._

_"__How's Mr Hornblower?" Archie asked anxiously, forgetting the common courtesy afforded to most polite conversation in his urgency. He still harboured some resentment towards the man when he remembered how it was he who had jeopardised the life of one of the British Royal Navy's best officers, and one of his closest friends. _

_"__No change I'm afraid." He explained with a gravity which struck dread into Archie's heart. They were all hopeful that Horatio – having survived this long - would eventually make a full recovery, but all were aware that the longer he remained unconscious the less likely it was that the outcome would be a good one. "His fever's still down which is a good sign… at least that's one less thing his body has to cope with, but he still hasn't regained consciousness."_

_"__May I see him?" Archie asked._

_"For a while." Hepplewhite agreed, and Archie followed him down a long corridor towards Horatio's room – still trying to ignore the resentment and anger which burnt within his heart. _

_Over the past few days he had seen some of the crew stand hesitantly outside the closed wooden door to Horatio's room before anxiously turning away. Most were younger, lower ranking males who under normal circumstances would have had very little to do with the officer – but Archie had been pleased to see that both Mathew's and Style's had paid him frequent visits as soon as they had been able. _

_Horatio was sleeping soundly when he entered. It was hard getting nourishment into an unconscious and unresponsive man, and so, his body now severely malnourished, he lay stretched out on the bed in the corner of the room, covered by a thin sheet. Archie reasoned that Hepplewhite must have continued to administer him with a fairly heavy dose of opiates as the fabric was stained with blood from his still raw surgical wound. The stitched incision in his abdomen was seeping bodily fluids through his bandages, and there would have been no way he would have been able to sleep through the pain without it. As he pulled up a chair beside the cot his heart gave a little leap as Horatio let out a murmur of pain - he hissed sharply as he gritted his teeth and, finally, to Archie's immeasurable relief, stirred from unconsciousness for the first time in days._

_"__Horatio?" He whispered, his voice barely audible as he almost refused to allow himself to believe that what he was seeing was real – he felt sure that it must be some cruel trick of the candlelight._

_"__Archie?" Horatio groaned. He blinked in the darkness._

_"__Horatio..." Tears of relief now glistened in Archie's eyes as he looked down at the man before him, grinning as he leaned over to touch Horatio's pale and icy hands. Eventually the young Lefttennant turned his head stiffly to look up at his friend and forced a smile. Although the gesture was strained the emotion felt by him upon seeing Archie's face clearly for the first time since he'd been shot was anything but fraudulent and there was no doubting its genuineness._

_"__I thought we may have lost you." Archie's voice was hoarse when he spoke, "But I must admit it does seem that you are invincible – bulletproof as well as stubborn."_

_"__I'm afraid there have been many moments over the past week where I thought I may not make it… and I fear that my ordeal is not over yet." Horatio rasped, his voice painfully quiet as he struggled to talk, despite the weakness of his own body. "I am not quite out of danger yet though it would seem."_

_At that moment there came a loud clatter as Horatio's door was opened and both men turned as Hepplewhite entered. The surgeon's cheeks were flushed with recent exertion, and he looked as though he had returned to the sick berth in haste after completing whatever unknown errand he had been setting out to run when Archie had met with him in the corridor._

_"__I'm afraid they need you back on deck Mr Kennedy." He informed the Lefttennant as he approached Hornblower's bedside, failing at first to notice that his young charge had regained consciousness. Suddenly Horatio let out a low groan however as he began to gasp frantically for breath. His eyes rolled backwards into his head as – to Archie's distress – their lids began to close once more, and Hepplewhite recognised immediately what must have just happened._

_"__How long has he been awake?" He asked, a suitable note of urgently in his tone. Archie jumped from his seat in shock of the sudden turn his friend appeared to have taken._

_"__Not long… only a few minutes." He faltered. "What's wrong with him? He was just talking to me." He explained._

_"__He's burning up again." The surgeon determined as he placed his palm to Hornblower's pale forehead, before beginning to prise back the bloodied bandages around his abdomen to reveal a large area of angry red flesh beneath – the wound encrusted with green and yellow puss. "The infection's spreading." He sighed._

_"__Horatio?" Archie pressed his sick friend with concern as he continued to groan and writhe upon the bed before them._

_"__I'll see to him Mr Kennedy, don't you worry." Hepplewhite reassured him. "Return to your duty."_

_"__But…"_

_"__Those are your orders sir." The surgeon insisted – although not unsympathetically. "There is nothing more you can do here. No point risking a court martial on a fool's errand."_

_Archie thought about this, and reasoned reluctantly that he was probably right. He would not be doing himself or Horatio any favours. It was despite his reservations at leaving his friend's side however that he pulled the door shut on his room that afternoon, as, in a daze, he returned to his position aboard deck. Finding himself out in the open again he breathed in the fresh, salty sea air hungrily – wondering how anyone was expected to recover when the air was so heavy and stagnant down there._

_"__What's going on Mathews?" He asked, noticing the old seaman as he became aware of a commotion coming from the bow of the ship. The deck was a hive of frantic activity and Archie noticed some of the crew looking out to sea. The diamond gleam of the water's shimmering surface reflected in their eyes – as Archie imagined it may very well have done when, as mere boys, they had boarded a ship for the first time – their childish hearts no more prepared for service then than a new born baby is prepared for life itself._

_"__It's land sir!" Mathews grinned, his cheeks rosy as he joined in with the crew's hearty cheers of elation. "We've spotted land!"_

_"__That's brilliant." Archie beamed back hopefully._

_"__Portsmouth we think Sir." Styles informed his superior officer, as he joined the two men._

_The air caught in Archie's lungs as he breathed a sigh of relief, his stomach churning as his limbs burned with the adrenaline now flowing through his veins. _

_The moment was to be short lived however. _

_Suddenly he felt a hand upon his shoulder and turned to see Hepplewhite. The man had appeared behind him, a grave expression upon his face._

_"__Oh God… no." Archie gasped – seeing the sadness within the man's tired eyes and realising immediately what it must mean._

_"There's nothing more I can do for him Mr Kennedy. __I'm afraid he doesn't have much time." Hepplewhite explained with painful bluntness, finding no way of softening the blow he knew this news would deal. "The Captain should be informed. The infection has spread to his blood."_

_"__How long?" Archie asked._

_"__I can't tell for sure," He shook his head, "He's still very much in and out of consciousness, but in his current condition I would say that he has a matter of hours at the most if we don't reach land soon. The fever will take him before the day is out."_

_"__Right." Archie nodded. "How long till we dock?" He asked Matthews as he purposefully began to make his way back below deck._

_"__It's hard to tell… a couple of hour's maybe." Mathews replied. "Where are you going?" He asked._

_"__To be with him…" Archie explained, swallowing the hard lump in his throat. "I might not be able to stop him from dying, but if this really is the end I'm not going to let him die alone. Mathews, do as Hepplewhite says and inform the Captain, see if you can't get him to speed us up a little."_

_"__Aye aye sir." The older seaman nodded._

_"__Hepplewhite come with me" He choked, baying the doctor to follow him without even turning back. "I'm not going to let Horatio give up that easily."_

_Archie heard the surgeon's footsteps close behind him as together they descended into the bowls of the ship and he closed his eyes in another silent prayer. He hoped that Horatio still had some fight left in him yet… he had come too far to give up now, and he found himself pleading with God, not for the first time that week, that he might help to guide them all home. _


	9. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

Rain pattered relentlessly against the window of Horatio's small room as the young Lefttennant winced at the harshness of the sound of his heavy travelling case being dragged across the room. The heavy material of his uniform lay awkwardly against his skin, making the many raw scars still covering his chest and abdomen itch and burn uncomfortably, and as he looked up at Archie, who stood opposite him on the other side of the room, he struggled to disguise any subtle signs of his growing discomfort. His friend aimed a concerned glance in his direction, before resuming packing many of Horatio's meagre positions into the wooden trunk.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Archie asked him as he began emptying a chest of draws of their contents – which consisted of a couple of spare uniform shirts, once a delicate white although now an ugly yellow hew from the many weeks of neglect, and a pair of dirty brown gloves fraying at the fingers.

"Tired…" Horatio responded drowsily, his eyelids heavy with the permanent exhaustion which still persistently afflicted him. "But glad to be seeing the back of this place." He smiled as he glanced contentedly around the small room which he had come to know as 'home' throughout the past few weeks, whilst he'd been recuperating.

The news that he would in fact be returning to the _Indefatigable _before the week was out had come as an unexpected deliverance to everyone close to the young Lefttennant – who had all grown increasingly concerned that, his body already weakened, his mind may eventually go the same way if he was left to linger, alone, on land.

Archie smiled. "It will certainly be refreshing to see the interior of a ship again." He responded as he loaded the last of Horatio's belongings into the trunk before firmly locking the heavy lid into place.

"Good old Pellew." Horatio sighed cheerily as his friend drew up a seat and sat down next to where he was perched precariously on the edge of the bed. "It must have taken great powers of persuasion to convince the panel of officials to permit me aboard, even as a known wounded officer, when I fear I am going to be a burdensome liability for some while yet."

He seemed somewhat consumed by guilt – or perhaps it was some form of regret – although certainly not ungrateful for the Captain's efforts on his behalf, as he aimed a silent contemplative look in Archie's direction, before turning away.

Indeed there would be many an occasion throughout the following weeks when the young man would have cause to put the question to his Captain as to whether he'd ever regretted bringing him back aboard his ship, an invalid.

But Pellew's answer was always to be the same.

"Mr Hornblower, you are growing in strength every day. Only a few weeks ago you could barely sit up, and now here you stand. Your mind is active and with that it was my hope that it could only aid your physical recovery. You are no invalid and you cause no burden, as you seem to fear, to this ship's crew – whom through your heroism and at great risk to your own life you have saved more times than most care to count. Many are in your debt, a debt which they are only too eager to repay. Your knowledge has been invaluable these past weeks."

"You're one of the best." Archie said, gently patting Horatio reassuringly on the back. "Besides, you're growing stronger by the day."

"I can barely walk three paces across the room unaided." Horatio growled in frustration.

"Which is two better than a few days ago," Archie reassured him, refusing to allow his friend to become downhearted so easily, "and you can't expect recovery to come so readily after all you've been through. Your body needs time to readjust… I don't know how you managed it, but it's a miracle you even came through long enough to get this far."

"I know." Horatio nodded sadly, considering his friend's words seriously. "I thought so much about death during those few brief moments of consciousness that all this now… it just seems so impossible."

"Well impossible or not," Archie laughed, "you're an example to us all." He clapped Horatio heartedly on the knee. In that moment Horatio looked as though he may have been about to respond to his cheer but a knock at the door cut them both short, and Archie rose to answer it.

The creaky protest of rusting hinges screamed out as the young Lefttennant carefully eased the door ajar before hastily ushering a somewhat jubilant Mathews into the room, closely followed by Styles. Their cheeks were flushed from the cold air outside, although their step was purposeful as they rubbed their blackened fingers vigorously in an attempt to restore the restricted blood flow. Horatio smiled contentedly at the site of his two loyal friends.

"The Captain's sent a carriage sir." Mathews explained through bouts of shivers. "The driver's waiting downstairs."

"Thank you Mathews, Styles." Archie smiled in gratitude, turning to each of the men in turn. "You both look frozen." He observed.

"Argh, it's nothing sir." Mathews brushed off Kennedy's concern with a gentle wave of his hand. "You get to live a life at sea as long as I have you soon become immune to the cold… there's always some poor sod out there worse off than yourself." He smiled dismissively, although his body language significantly suggested otherwise.

"We'll just grab Mr Hornblower's sea chest." Styles interjected. "Not long left on this stagnant land now." He said, before moving to help Mathews lift Horatio's luggage, as Archie closed to door behind him.

"I'm afraid I never expressed my gratitude to you both." Hornblower muttered weakly as the two men aimed a concerned glance in his direction – their attentions immediately diverted towards his uncommonly fragile form. "I am truly indebted to you for all that you have done for me."

"A minor servitude sir." Mathews reflected as he addressed his superior.

"Even so it would have been a bitter victory for you Styles," Horatio continued, turning to the middle-aged seaman, "to have saved my life only to have me fall at the second hurdle."

"I always knew you'd come through sir." Styles forced a meek smile, before returning to the task in hand.

At that moment Horatio made a sudden effort to ease himself from his current resting position on the edge of the bed, flinching from the pressure as he felt the weight of his heavy uniform against his frail body.

"Don't push yourself too hard too soon." Archie eased, his soft tone reassuring as he made his way over to his friend's side. "There's no hurry. Captain Pellew was explicit, your place aboard the _Indefatigable _is secure. All you need to focus on is getting better."

The two men exchanged a smile of mutual understanding.

"Sir, the Captain's waiting." Mathews informed them. "We'll send on ahead that you're on your way." He said, before he and Styles finally left, the heavy thump of Horatio's sea chest audible as they dragged it down the stairs outside.

After, the pair continued to sit in silence for a while, seeking comfort in each other's company, and the knowledge that they were about to return to their life at sea.

"Well are you ready?" Archie smiled, turning to Horatio as, to his peace of mind, he observed the contented expression upon his still pained and tired face.

Horatio nodded.

"I'm ready." He responded.

"Then it's time." Archie smiled as he removed a large blanket from the end of the bed, before discretely placing the rolled-up bundle under his arm.

The pace was slow as Archie struggled to support Horatio as they descended the steep staircase down to the pavement below. An icy breeze swept up the narrow stairwell as they neared the bottom – Horatio's body contorting in spasms as it caressed his fevered skin, making him shiver. As they neared the bottom Archie could just make out the silhouette of a horse-drawn carriage as its driver made to join them. The ageing man's gait was unsteady as he stumbled up the last few steps to help Archie with his friend, before assisting the two men into the welcoming womb of the coach. Once comfortably seated Archie draped the blanket gingerly over his friend's bony knees.

"Thank You." Horatio whispered weakly.

"For what?" Archie raised an eyebrow in question as a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "It's only a blanket."

But Horatio had already drifted off into an easy and contented sleep – the stairs having evidently exhausted him after so many weeks confined to bed.

The rest of their journey was passed in silence as Archie continued to keep a close eye on his friend as he slept – now fully convinced that Horatio would eventually make a full recovery. He closed his eyes for a brief moment himself before turning to glance out of the window thinking about everything they had come through together – and all that was still destined to be – and as the coach came to an abrupt halt after only a few minutes he recited a silent prayer to God that at last they were going home.


End file.
